Wednesday 31 October 2012
Days 7 - 10 post Chemo have been up and down. I have been taking things easy, well trying to and resting when I feel I need.
I actually went out shopping by myself on Monday, then returned home and decided to do the ironing, followed up with cooking dinner. WHOA.... bit too much for the body. I did end the day going to watch Miss 13 play netball.
I think I am finally out of the Chemo cloud that had my mind in a haze, it felt like I have been on the biggest bender of all time and all I had to show for it was the headache from hell. My skin feels back to normal and my left eye has stopped twitching. (painting a glam picture of myself aren't I?)
In the last few days, I have been thinking about all the "comments" I have had since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer..
I try to keep everyone's well meaning stories of "my brother's wife's, Mum has breast cancer" at arms length. I know people are trying to help but PLEASE everyone's journey is so different.
I'm pissed off with the "oh how can you do that job whilst you are having Chemo" OR "I had a scare last year and THANK GOD it was negative"...... hmmmmm I'm glad it was negative but you are speaking to someone who is positive to BC, could you reword what you just said? OR the one I flipped at "maybe your surgeon was knife happy" WTF!!
I have always been sensitive to other people's feelings and life journeys. Everybody deals with situations differently and I guess as a person living the breast cancer nightmare, I need to be able to tolerate silly comments, I will choose to listen but ignore them, unless you say something absolutely stupid!
If you don't know what to say... tell me that, I'm happy with that, I would rather that, then "my friend vomited the whole 4 months of chemo".
So until next time, I'm happy doing what I do. I know when I need to rest and I know when to ask for help.
lots of love
Shaz
xxx
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
TAC 1 - Day 2 - 6
Saturday 27th October
Holy Moly..... what a week I have had :(
Let's rewind:
Day 2 post chemo: Woke feeling ok. Had my nausea drugs, ate breakfast and felt like I had been hit by a truck. Slept most of the day and was feeling chuffed that nausea wasn't rearing it's ugly head.
Hubby cooked dinner and my dear friend popped around to give me my Nuelasta injection. (Nuelasta helps prevent infections) All went well with the shot or so I thought
Day 3: Woke as day before, had nausea meds then breakfast. Had the worse jaw pain and headache. As the day progressed the pain increased all over my body. OMG... I had heard Nuelasta can do this and "sort of" prepared my self but holy hell where has this come from.
I am a wimp when it comes to pain. I kept telling myself it is bound to get better as the minutes passed all I wanted to do was sleep and wake up mid Feb 2013 when all my chemo ended.
Day 4: Same as day before but pain was 1000x worse. I kept checking my temp as I was constantly flushed. Temp was 35.8, I was drinking fluids and able to eat YET I couldn't move. I'm not lying when I say every bone in my body was hurting. It hurt to talk let alone walk or eat.
Day 5: Same as day before but pain the same (could it getter any worse???) Woke up to farewell the kids and have breakfast. I then spent an hour in bed willing myself to get up and shake this pain from my body. Finally, I summed enough energy to shower then hit the couch with the tv remote. By the time I got to the couch, the tears had started. "why the hell is this happening to me??, I'm a good person, I care about people, I love my family, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?"
I cried for my hubby who is flat out doing everything for me and our little family, whilst working in our family business. I cried, because If I could take the cowards way, I would go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.
I called the Oncology Unit and was told Panadol was the advised pain killer! Every 4 hours I shoved it down my throat.
Today Day 5, I am over feeling like shit!
Day 6: It's Saturday, so I'm happy my hubby and kids are home with me. I'm happy because the pain is tolerable with Panadol. I've managed to do my physio, I'm happy because as shitty as this week has been, this shitty breast cancer was diagnosed before it was too late and I'm on the path to becoming a survivor.
Thanks to everyone for the love and thoughts. If I could have one thing, it would be to have a cuddle from my Mum and a quiet whisper 'don't cry, cause you will make me cry and it will be ok"
love and miss you Mum xxxx
Be kind to yourself, I'm trying.
lots of love
Shaz xx
Holy Moly..... what a week I have had :(
Let's rewind:
Day 2 post chemo: Woke feeling ok. Had my nausea drugs, ate breakfast and felt like I had been hit by a truck. Slept most of the day and was feeling chuffed that nausea wasn't rearing it's ugly head.
Hubby cooked dinner and my dear friend popped around to give me my Nuelasta injection. (Nuelasta helps prevent infections) All went well with the shot or so I thought
Day 3: Woke as day before, had nausea meds then breakfast. Had the worse jaw pain and headache. As the day progressed the pain increased all over my body. OMG... I had heard Nuelasta can do this and "sort of" prepared my self but holy hell where has this come from.
I am a wimp when it comes to pain. I kept telling myself it is bound to get better as the minutes passed all I wanted to do was sleep and wake up mid Feb 2013 when all my chemo ended.
Day 4: Same as day before but pain was 1000x worse. I kept checking my temp as I was constantly flushed. Temp was 35.8, I was drinking fluids and able to eat YET I couldn't move. I'm not lying when I say every bone in my body was hurting. It hurt to talk let alone walk or eat.
Day 5: Same as day before but pain the same (could it getter any worse???) Woke up to farewell the kids and have breakfast. I then spent an hour in bed willing myself to get up and shake this pain from my body. Finally, I summed enough energy to shower then hit the couch with the tv remote. By the time I got to the couch, the tears had started. "why the hell is this happening to me??, I'm a good person, I care about people, I love my family, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?"
I cried for my hubby who is flat out doing everything for me and our little family, whilst working in our family business. I cried, because If I could take the cowards way, I would go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.
I called the Oncology Unit and was told Panadol was the advised pain killer! Every 4 hours I shoved it down my throat.
Today Day 5, I am over feeling like shit!
Day 6: It's Saturday, so I'm happy my hubby and kids are home with me. I'm happy because the pain is tolerable with Panadol. I've managed to do my physio, I'm happy because as shitty as this week has been, this shitty breast cancer was diagnosed before it was too late and I'm on the path to becoming a survivor.
Thanks to everyone for the love and thoughts. If I could have one thing, it would be to have a cuddle from my Mum and a quiet whisper 'don't cry, cause you will make me cry and it will be ok"
love and miss you Mum xxxx
Be kind to yourself, I'm trying.
lots of love
Shaz xx
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
What a long day
23rd October 2012
WOW, yesterday was such a long day.
Had my physio appointment at 11.40am and am pleased to report my arm has just about got full movement (1 degree to go)
Hubby and I went and had lunch after physio as my Oncologist/Chemo appointment was at 1.15pm
1.10pm came and we headed up to the 4th floor, walked into the Oncologist rooms and the waiting room was full. BUGGER!!!! We waited over an hour and finally, I was called in. Prof Chan went through my bloods, all good, but need Vit D supplements (very common in WA women apparently)
Went through results of MRI and every thing is good, as was my heart scan :)
Prof Chan then discussed my chemo regime, talked about all my anti nausea meds and any side effects I may get. After thanking her, we headed to pharmacy to order the chemo and get all the meds.
As the chemo unit was full, I was to have my first cycle of chemo on the ward. We had to go to admissions first and of course waited for ever. Finally we were seen, then headed up by ourselves to level 2, found our bed then waited for the chemo nurse.
I was prepped with a cannula, then waited for the chemo to arrive. TAC is abbreviated for the chemo drugs and I was to have the red drug (strongest first) this is the one that can cause mouth ulcers so I was to suck on 2 icypoles then a cup of ice. Purpose of this is to keep the mouth cold whilst both syringes were pushed though my system over 15 minutes.
2nd chemo drug took an hour to run through with a 10 min saline flush after.
My 3rd and final drug took 20 mins to run and boy was I ready to get home.
Hubby and I arrived home at 7.30pm and after chatting with the kids, out them to bed, ate dinner, hubby did the ironing we headed to bed at 9.45pm. We managed to sleep right through the night without me having to get up and down for the loo or nausea tabs.
Woke this morning and feel ok but tired. Spending the day on the lounge catching up on tv and pottering about the house.
I'm so glad my first cycle is over and I know it's early days, but as long as I keep thinking about the end result, everything that my body throws at me, I will handle.
Thank you everyone for all the love and support. You all make me feel very loved and strong.
with love
Shaz xxxxxx
WOW, yesterday was such a long day.
Had my physio appointment at 11.40am and am pleased to report my arm has just about got full movement (1 degree to go)
Hubby and I went and had lunch after physio as my Oncologist/Chemo appointment was at 1.15pm
1.10pm came and we headed up to the 4th floor, walked into the Oncologist rooms and the waiting room was full. BUGGER!!!! We waited over an hour and finally, I was called in. Prof Chan went through my bloods, all good, but need Vit D supplements (very common in WA women apparently)
Went through results of MRI and every thing is good, as was my heart scan :)
Prof Chan then discussed my chemo regime, talked about all my anti nausea meds and any side effects I may get. After thanking her, we headed to pharmacy to order the chemo and get all the meds.
As the chemo unit was full, I was to have my first cycle of chemo on the ward. We had to go to admissions first and of course waited for ever. Finally we were seen, then headed up by ourselves to level 2, found our bed then waited for the chemo nurse.
I was prepped with a cannula, then waited for the chemo to arrive. TAC is abbreviated for the chemo drugs and I was to have the red drug (strongest first) this is the one that can cause mouth ulcers so I was to suck on 2 icypoles then a cup of ice. Purpose of this is to keep the mouth cold whilst both syringes were pushed though my system over 15 minutes.
2nd chemo drug took an hour to run through with a 10 min saline flush after.
My 3rd and final drug took 20 mins to run and boy was I ready to get home.
Hubby and I arrived home at 7.30pm and after chatting with the kids, out them to bed, ate dinner, hubby did the ironing we headed to bed at 9.45pm. We managed to sleep right through the night without me having to get up and down for the loo or nausea tabs.
Woke this morning and feel ok but tired. Spending the day on the lounge catching up on tv and pottering about the house.
I'm so glad my first cycle is over and I know it's early days, but as long as I keep thinking about the end result, everything that my body throws at me, I will handle.
Thank you everyone for all the love and support. You all make me feel very loved and strong.
with love
Shaz xxxxxx
Monday, October 22, 2012
TAC first cycle
Monday 22nd October
Today is Australia's National Breast Cancer Day, today is also the day I start my chemo regime.
My family and I have spent an amazing weekend with our CDH Australia Family. We had a 3 day conference, beginning with a medical workshop, followed by a family dinner on Friday. Saturday consisted of a support workshop at Perth Zoo. The weather was perfect and the kids spent the day roaming around looking at the animals (babysitters were in attendance) whilst the adults shared their journeys. We ended the day with another family dinner.
Sunday's family day saw us at The Great Escape and it's safe to say, we were all exhausted.
The weekend was great as I didn't spend much time focusing on today. My hubby and I had to keep our emotions in check as we both felt the tears would flow and never stop. We really struggled saying goodbye to very special friends, they make us feel so loved and we are blessed to have these friends in our lives and these friendships show everyone, that a devastating birth defect can bring something beautiful even in such dark times.
We love you and you know who you are.
Last night my hubby and I sat and chatted about today, we are both so scared. The unknown is the scariest thing and I'm sure whilst driving in I will have a 'freak out'.
This morning I spent a little time talking to Miss 13 about how much I love her and how chemo is such a shitty thing, but needs to be done. I asked her to work hard at school, be kind to her brother and always remember she can do and be anything she puts her mind too. As she went off to school, "good luck Mum, I love you"
I also spoke with my son and again told him how much I love him and work hard and always be kind to his big sister. I explained again about the chemo and hair loss and Mum may be sick. He gave his usual response, with his beautiful smile "love you to the moon and back way more"
With that he joined his sister in the car and they both waved and blew kisses.
I feel calmer as I'm typing. Like delivering my sick son, having the lumpectomy, followed by the partial mastectomy, I can't get out of having chemo, I have to suck it up.
Yes, I'm petrified but at the end of today, it's one day 5 to go.
I've got this!!!
Lots of love to you all
Shaz xxxxx
Today is Australia's National Breast Cancer Day, today is also the day I start my chemo regime.
My family and I have spent an amazing weekend with our CDH Australia Family. We had a 3 day conference, beginning with a medical workshop, followed by a family dinner on Friday. Saturday consisted of a support workshop at Perth Zoo. The weather was perfect and the kids spent the day roaming around looking at the animals (babysitters were in attendance) whilst the adults shared their journeys. We ended the day with another family dinner.
Sunday's family day saw us at The Great Escape and it's safe to say, we were all exhausted.
The weekend was great as I didn't spend much time focusing on today. My hubby and I had to keep our emotions in check as we both felt the tears would flow and never stop. We really struggled saying goodbye to very special friends, they make us feel so loved and we are blessed to have these friends in our lives and these friendships show everyone, that a devastating birth defect can bring something beautiful even in such dark times.
We love you and you know who you are.
Last night my hubby and I sat and chatted about today, we are both so scared. The unknown is the scariest thing and I'm sure whilst driving in I will have a 'freak out'.
This morning I spent a little time talking to Miss 13 about how much I love her and how chemo is such a shitty thing, but needs to be done. I asked her to work hard at school, be kind to her brother and always remember she can do and be anything she puts her mind too. As she went off to school, "good luck Mum, I love you"
I also spoke with my son and again told him how much I love him and work hard and always be kind to his big sister. I explained again about the chemo and hair loss and Mum may be sick. He gave his usual response, with his beautiful smile "love you to the moon and back way more"
With that he joined his sister in the car and they both waved and blew kisses.
I feel calmer as I'm typing. Like delivering my sick son, having the lumpectomy, followed by the partial mastectomy, I can't get out of having chemo, I have to suck it up.
Yes, I'm petrified but at the end of today, it's one day 5 to go.
I've got this!!!
Lots of love to you all
Shaz xxxxx
Thursday, October 18, 2012
It's only hair... but is it?????
Thursday 18th October
I made the decision to have my haircut prior to starting Chemo on Monday, not an easy decision.
You see, I have been growing my hair for 3 years and was happy with the length. Every time I had my 6 weekly hair appointment I always instructed my hairdresser to trim the ends. I don't want short hair, if I did I would have had it short months ago.
BC has made the choice for me. I'm struggling with this... I don't want it having any more power of me than it does already.
I cried all day yesterday. I cried driving to the hairdressers, cried looking at hairstyle books, big tears the kind that you can hear when they drop onto your shirt, I cried when my gorgeous friend and hairdresser cut my hair and I cried when I drove home and saw my family.
I keep getting told "it's only hair!". I'm over this, it's not "only hair' It's my hair and it wasn't my choice to have it cut. Yes, I made the decision to cut it prior to chemo but that's because I don't want to see long lengths on my pillow.
I get you mean well, but stop and listen to what you say... how would you feel???? Yep, you don't know how you will feel UNLESS it happens to you. I hope you or a friend or family member NEVER has to go through this.
Yes, I'm coping and I'm at peace with my diagnosis but I'm not happy about my cutting my hair.
Be kind to yourselves, it's my advice to you.
love
Shaz xxxxx
I made the decision to have my haircut prior to starting Chemo on Monday, not an easy decision.
You see, I have been growing my hair for 3 years and was happy with the length. Every time I had my 6 weekly hair appointment I always instructed my hairdresser to trim the ends. I don't want short hair, if I did I would have had it short months ago.
BC has made the choice for me. I'm struggling with this... I don't want it having any more power of me than it does already.
I cried all day yesterday. I cried driving to the hairdressers, cried looking at hairstyle books, big tears the kind that you can hear when they drop onto your shirt, I cried when my gorgeous friend and hairdresser cut my hair and I cried when I drove home and saw my family.
I keep getting told "it's only hair!". I'm over this, it's not "only hair' It's my hair and it wasn't my choice to have it cut. Yes, I made the decision to cut it prior to chemo but that's because I don't want to see long lengths on my pillow.
I get you mean well, but stop and listen to what you say... how would you feel???? Yep, you don't know how you will feel UNLESS it happens to you. I hope you or a friend or family member NEVER has to go through this.
Yes, I'm coping and I'm at peace with my diagnosis but I'm not happy about my cutting my hair.
Be kind to yourselves, it's my advice to you.
love
Shaz xxxxx
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
What I've learnt
Tuesday 9th October
I asked my husband if it's odd being at peace with my diagnosis! I am feeling extremely calm and yes at peace with all things BC.
My Hubby's theory is I'm in survival mode, something we know extremely well after having a son born with CDH.
What we learnt from having a son born with CDH:
1) Never take a healthy pregnancy for granted
2) Our health system is pretty good
3) Take each day as it comes
4) Tell your children you love them constantly
5) Always be open and honest with yourself
6) Be kind to yourself: allow yourself to cry, take help, talk
7) Money doesn't buy happiness
8) True Friends will be by your side in the happy times and the darkest hours
9) We are good people with big hearts
10) BE POSITIVE
11) Hubby and I are soul mates
I am taking all of the above into my crappy journey. Armed with the above, I will be a survivor!!
I'm at peace :)
With love
Shaz xxx
I asked my husband if it's odd being at peace with my diagnosis! I am feeling extremely calm and yes at peace with all things BC.
My Hubby's theory is I'm in survival mode, something we know extremely well after having a son born with CDH.
What we learnt from having a son born with CDH:
1) Never take a healthy pregnancy for granted
2) Our health system is pretty good
3) Take each day as it comes
4) Tell your children you love them constantly
5) Always be open and honest with yourself
6) Be kind to yourself: allow yourself to cry, take help, talk
7) Money doesn't buy happiness
8) True Friends will be by your side in the happy times and the darkest hours
9) We are good people with big hearts
10) BE POSITIVE
11) Hubby and I are soul mates
I am taking all of the above into my crappy journey. Armed with the above, I will be a survivor!!
I'm at peace :)
With love
Shaz xxx
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
So this is it......
Wednesday 3rd October
In the last week since my last post, I have been busy doing "normal" things with my family. Picking the kids up from school, Royal Show visit,dinner with friends, movies with my son and breakfast with a friend. All of this has kept me busy and yes I have been resting.
Had a phone call yesterday late afternoon from my Radiation Oncologist room's telling me about my appointment next Monday. "Huh.... I have an appointment?" Thankfully they called to get my Medicare number as I would of missed that appointment as they had neglected to notify me.
I started today enjoying a nice breakfast catchup with a friend. Came home and relaxed before my appointment with Prof Chan.
At 2.15pm, my hubby and I headed into The Mount. When we arrived at Prof Chan's rooms I completed paperwork and we sat quietly waiting. An older woman was with her son, she was wearing a scarf so obviously was undergoing treatment. I looked at her and again thought "OMG, I'm so bloody young, why the hell is this happening to ME????"
Eventually it was my time to go in and we were greeted by a vivacious woman who I instantly liked. Prof Chan shook my hand then introduced herself to my hubby. She asked my some questions, then ran through my pathology.
I have Ductal Carcinoma in situ (DCIS) (which apparently is the common type of BC) and it's stage 2 (not stressing about that)
I am also hormone receptor positive so will be on Tamoxifen (daily) after treatment.
So... starting to feel emotional at this point. Prof Chan checks my 1 1/2 boobs and is really pleased with my surgeon's handy work and my recovery. I pop my bra and top back on and sit back down. I get told as of right now I have NO cancer cells in my body :)
CHEMO:
My chemo is called TAC - Docetaxel (T) Doxorubicin (A) Cyclophosphamide (C)
and I will have 6 cycles over 18 weeks, which is the equivalent of 1 every 3 weeks
I have to take a pre-med night prior to each chemo cycle: morning of chemo, night of chemo, morning after chemo and night after chemo
On the day AFTER chemo I need to have an injection of an immune booster in my belly. This drug is worth $2000 and I need to have it 6 times. My hubby will learn how to do this injection, this will save us travelling into The Mount.
I was also told I would notice my hair falling out on day 19 after having my first cycle of chemo and the drugs could put me into early menopause. I could feel the tears coming then and had to reach for a tissue.
Prof Chan looked at her diary and I then asked if I could start my treatment after the CDH Australia CAAF weekend. She had a think and said this was ok.
I also asked about our trip to Bali in January "should we cancel?" Prof Chan said I should be ok going but would need to be very careful about sunburn. Hubby and I will see how my first cycles go and make our decision later.
First day of chemo: Monday 22nd October at 1.15pm. The first dosage will run through slowly and will take around 4 hours. Further cycles will take approx 2 hours. I was told to listen half heartedly to advice given to me by those not in the medical field and told to follow her instructions to the T.
Prof Chan is straight forward and explained everything to hubby and I.
I will have a heart scan prior to my first cycle and this will serve as a baseline test if there is need to evaluate the heart at a later stage. For this I will see the lovely man who performed my bone scan.
So this is it.....
I'm feeling scared, scared of what to expect with the Chemo. I'm relieved that I have (in my opinion) the best medical team looking after me and I'm positive that I'm going to kick this wretched thing from ever coming back.
With love
Shaz xxxxxx
In the last week since my last post, I have been busy doing "normal" things with my family. Picking the kids up from school, Royal Show visit,dinner with friends, movies with my son and breakfast with a friend. All of this has kept me busy and yes I have been resting.
Had a phone call yesterday late afternoon from my Radiation Oncologist room's telling me about my appointment next Monday. "Huh.... I have an appointment?" Thankfully they called to get my Medicare number as I would of missed that appointment as they had neglected to notify me.
I started today enjoying a nice breakfast catchup with a friend. Came home and relaxed before my appointment with Prof Chan.
At 2.15pm, my hubby and I headed into The Mount. When we arrived at Prof Chan's rooms I completed paperwork and we sat quietly waiting. An older woman was with her son, she was wearing a scarf so obviously was undergoing treatment. I looked at her and again thought "OMG, I'm so bloody young, why the hell is this happening to ME????"
Eventually it was my time to go in and we were greeted by a vivacious woman who I instantly liked. Prof Chan shook my hand then introduced herself to my hubby. She asked my some questions, then ran through my pathology.
I have Ductal Carcinoma in situ (DCIS) (which apparently is the common type of BC) and it's stage 2 (not stressing about that)
I am also hormone receptor positive so will be on Tamoxifen (daily) after treatment.
So... starting to feel emotional at this point. Prof Chan checks my 1 1/2 boobs and is really pleased with my surgeon's handy work and my recovery. I pop my bra and top back on and sit back down. I get told as of right now I have NO cancer cells in my body :)
CHEMO:
My chemo is called TAC - Docetaxel (T) Doxorubicin (A) Cyclophosphamide (C)
and I will have 6 cycles over 18 weeks, which is the equivalent of 1 every 3 weeks
I have to take a pre-med night prior to each chemo cycle: morning of chemo, night of chemo, morning after chemo and night after chemo
On the day AFTER chemo I need to have an injection of an immune booster in my belly. This drug is worth $2000 and I need to have it 6 times. My hubby will learn how to do this injection, this will save us travelling into The Mount.
I was also told I would notice my hair falling out on day 19 after having my first cycle of chemo and the drugs could put me into early menopause. I could feel the tears coming then and had to reach for a tissue.
Prof Chan looked at her diary and I then asked if I could start my treatment after the CDH Australia CAAF weekend. She had a think and said this was ok.
I also asked about our trip to Bali in January "should we cancel?" Prof Chan said I should be ok going but would need to be very careful about sunburn. Hubby and I will see how my first cycles go and make our decision later.
First day of chemo: Monday 22nd October at 1.15pm. The first dosage will run through slowly and will take around 4 hours. Further cycles will take approx 2 hours. I was told to listen half heartedly to advice given to me by those not in the medical field and told to follow her instructions to the T.
Prof Chan is straight forward and explained everything to hubby and I.
I will have a heart scan prior to my first cycle and this will serve as a baseline test if there is need to evaluate the heart at a later stage. For this I will see the lovely man who performed my bone scan.
So this is it.....
I'm feeling scared, scared of what to expect with the Chemo. I'm relieved that I have (in my opinion) the best medical team looking after me and I'm positive that I'm going to kick this wretched thing from ever coming back.
"Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the
difference" - Virginia Satir
With love
Shaz xxxxxx
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