TAC 3 Days 6 - 11

Sunday 9th December


Reflecting over the last post I can honestly say I feel better for having my "oh why me" days.  I think it's important to let the dark into ones life to appreciate how far I have come and how crappy this BC journey really is.

From my last past I have spent majority of my time laying on the couch reading and watching tv.  My energy levels have been at an all time low.  I have struggled with this as my life pre "BC" was busy with playing volleyball, running, walking, housework, netball and being a full time Mum and Wife.
I know this will improve after all my treatment is over   (side effect of Radiation is fatigue :(  )  and it can't come soon enough.

Well in the last few days, my kids have finished school for 2012.  I am over the moon to have them home chilling with me.
My hubby turned our Christmas lights on Dec 1st and the house looks fantastic.  We all enjoy seeing the smiles on everyone's faces when they drive or walk by.
The kids and I headed to have the annual Santa photo taken and Master 9 asked for an "Ipad".

I had booked myself in to the "Look good, feel Better" workshop for Saturday morning.  Miss 13 was keen to attend with me as my support person.  At the workshop run for cancer patients who have undergone or are going through chemo or radiation.   It's all about getting us to feel good about ourselves and they way they do this is by skin care, make-up, hats, turbans and wigs.
Unfortunately the course was cancelled as they organisers couldn't gain access into the building.  Hopefully it will be rescheduled and I can attend.

Miss 13 is coming with me for Chemo 4 (yes number 4)  As you know it's my Mum's 2nd Angelversary on 21st December and it will also mark chemo day for me.  I am positive my mum will be sat with my daughter and myself while I have my chemo.
I think seeing me have chemo,  will take the 'scary' out of what Miss 13 have imagined in her mind.  She will see her Mum laugh with the nurses, drink coffee, suck ice and pee a lot.  I'm mindful of how stressed she may feel prior to coming but confident it will be a rewarding day for her.

So....chemo #4, 4 days before Christmas!!  Thankfully we have Christmas at home and my family will be ok with me laying on the couch.
Hubby and I have our lists going and I think we have everything sorted.  Mental note:  remind Dad to make the trifle :)
I'm looking forward to Christmas and seeing the smiles on the kids faces and spending quality time making old and new traditions.

Today I'm also reminded that in a months time we would of been in Bali.  Bali is our second home, we love the place. Yes, it can be grotty, loud drunk people, people begging, people stealing, people hassling for you to buy but we love it.  We have the best memories from all our trips.  It's cheap and our children love it.  I wish we were going and will go when my treatment is over and done with.
In the meantime, we will have to try and snatch some days away within our own state, can't have the kids spending 2 months off school and doing nothing.

So, that's me in the last 6 days.  As I type this, hubby is staining our deck, another job off his Christmas list to be marked off.  My gorgeous son is eating lunch at our gorgeous neighbours house and Miss 13 is meeting up with her bestie, having Maccas for lunch,  then heading back to ours for a sleepover.
As for me, I've got my head in the latest Alex Cross (James Patterson) book and my eye on the end of chemo - 3 to go :)

Be kind to yourself, today I'm trying :)

Shaz xxxxxx

ps:  thought I would share my kids Christmas photo with you

TAC 3 Day 1-5

Monday 3rd December


I headed off to my third cycle of TAC with my Dad feeling nervous.  My little fella still has a cold and I was hoping my bloods would come back and my Oncologist would say "you are good for chemo".

Dad and I left home at 7.30am, traffic is horrendous and I needed to have bloods done and 90 mins before my appointment.  We eventually arrived at The Mount and 8.45am, found a park and headed to pathology.  After a five minute wait, I was handed my results then we headed to the coffee shop for a cuppa before my appointment.

We headed up at 10.05 (my appointment was 10.10am) and finally got into see my Oncologist at 10.50am.    I was so happy my bloods were perfect and TAC 3 was going ahead.  My Oncocologist asked who has been injecting my Nuelasta and said "she is getting the spot"
THANK YOU to my dear friend who is injecting me each cycle.  I truly appreciate your friendship.

The infusion of Chemo went through as usual with no reactions and I was really happy to be finished with cycle 3 :)

The last 5 days have gone by quickly.  I have been SOOOOOOOO tired and have been slowly doing pottering around.
My family always decorate our house with Christmas lights and my hubby has done an amazing job again this year.
My Daughter helped put up our Christmas tree.  I had a few tears as my arms were hurting whilst putting on the lights and ornaments.
We spent an hour looking for a real tree yesterday and had loads of fun choosing it and chopping it down.

Today (day 5) is a glum day.  The sun is shining brightly and I should be in our pool enjoying myself or out and about Christmas shopping. Instead I'm on the couch and feeling sad.  Today I'm feeling "why the hell is this happening to me???" I'm feeling bloated, my eyes are sore, my arms are flabby, my  legs hurt and I'm pissed off that I have breast cancer.
I want to rewind 5 months and be as fit and active as I was.  I want to be able to go outside and not worry about burning, I want to see our Christmas lights without being frozen to the bone, I want to be happy with how I look, I want to feel attractive to my husband (again) I want to be the fun loving,  wine drinking girl, and I want to be a mum who can be there ALL the time.

This month is particularly hard as it's coming up to my Mum's 2nd Angelversary (21st Dec)  I would love a cuddle from my Mum and to hear her tell me "it's nearly over, you haven't got long to go".  I miss her so much :(

I have loads of good friends and the support has been overwhelming but travelling this cancer journey is so 'lonely'.  Nobody can 'feel' what you are going through and nobody can click fingers and make it go away.  Hubby tells me it's important to have down days, I agree but boy do they zap the energy.

Today, day 5,  I just want the world to rewind 5 months and tell me all I have is a cyst, not breast cancer.

Today I feel I've had enough crap thrown at our family, today I would like to say "Universe, please give me and my family a break!"

with love
Shaz x

TAC 2 DAY 11-15

Thursday 29th November


The last few days of TAC 2 were great until my little man came down with a cold.  I was worried I would get it,  so we blew kisses to each other and kept some distant between us.  Thank fully no sign of a cold for me and I'm ready for TAC 3.

Bring it!

TAC 2 Day 3 -10

Friday 23 November 2012


The last 8 days have gone quick and thankfully without too much pain.  The Anti-inflammatory meds worked a treat in the first 5 days.

I have been taking things easy and trying to have every second day as a "time out" day.

I spent a morning with a gorgeous friend and walked along Mullaloo Beach (nearly to Hillary's) Our coastline is beautiful and I enjoyed the wind in my face and the sun on my back.

I had a check up with my lymphedema Physio and am happy to report I have full movement in my arm.  I'm so thrilled to hear this news and even happier to hear no swelling is in my left arm.
I will see this Physio during my radiation treatment  as new scare tissue will form, causing decreased movement.
A good friend joined my on my appointment and we then chilled at my house for the day. Thanks J xx

I'm feeling great.  I now have bald patches on my head, guessing I'll be completely bald soon.  TBH, it's actually quiet liberating having no hair, I no longer spend hours in the shower and bathroom grooming.  My eyelashes are also slowly coming out and a couple of hairs on my legs are hanging on for dear life.

I ordered new bandanna's online from USA and was excited to receive them yesterday.  I now have all sorts of colours and a couple of pirate ones :)  I do have beautiful scarves to wear, but find the bandanna is cooler.

6 sleeps until I have cycle 3.  I am hoping my bloods are normal so I can have this cycle. I'm also feeling anxious,   It will be only 16 days since my last cycle (normally 21) Will my body be able to handle TAC so close?  On the other hand, I'm really excited that it will mean I'm having number 3 - half way, I'm at the bottom of the hill and ready to bolt to the top.

So from now till Thursday 29th, I plan to rest up and enjoy spending time with my family.  We aim to catch Skyfall, finish decorating the house with Christmas lights and enjoy a glass or 2 of fine wine.
My big plan is keeping healthy.  A nasty gastro bug is going around and both kids have suggested they stay home from school HAHA - good try kids!

I'm hoping you are all happy, happy with yourself and your life.  It really doesn't matter how much money you have in  your bank, the size of the house you live in, car you drive, clothes you wear, all of this material stuff means NOTHING.
What matters is YOU and those closest to you.  Keep love, laughter and kindness at the forefront of everything you do and you will be blessed.  Remind those dear to you how much you love them,  cuddle your children daily, look them in the eye and tell them how important they are and how much you love them.

D, C-R, L and Dad:  Love to all to the moon and back way more :)
With love
Shaz xxxx

TAC 2 day 2

Thursday 15th November


Chemo yesterday went well.
Started off the day with an appointment with my oncologist who prescribed meds to help with bone pain after my Neulasta injection tonight.  She told memy blood work was normal, I'm  very happy with this and whilst the bone pain was horrific, the silver lining is,  it did it's job.

I didn't have any reactions to the TAC running thru my cannula and I'm again thankful for that.  We arrived home at 4pm and thankfully hubby was home with the kids and he had started the cleaning.
I LOVE YOU D!

After the cleaning, hubby and I went for our walk with our big dog.  Was feeling tired so we took our time.  Came home,  ate dinner then relaxed on the couch.

Over night had a "twilight sleep", you know the one, border line awake, can hear every little noise, including hubby and small dog, tuning in with each other's noise whistling.  So have woken feeling tired today.  Have taken all my anti nausea meds and meds to help with tonight injection.  Feeling flushed (happened last time).  Will spend the day resting and watching a movie.  My dear Dad is picking the kids up from school.  Thanks Dad, I love you.

My gorgeous friend came with me yesterday and we certainly entertained ourselves over the long day.  Thanks for coming chicky, love you.

Thanks to my dear training buddy and my very own home nurse for taking the time to come around and inject Neulasta into me 24 hours after each chemo treatment.  You have always inspired me with your courage and "just keep going" mentally during all our boot camp sessions and now I get to have your compassionate bedside manner,  love you.

To everyone who reads my blog and has shown so much love and support, THANKS... love you all too.

To my babies:  Love you both to the moon and back, way, way, way, way, way more :)
Please keep your fingers crossed that the next few days are kind to me.

lots of love
Shaz xxxx

Cycle 2 - TAC

Wednesday 14th November


Chemo day: cycle 2 is upon me!

Feeling ok,   I know what to expect and hope I have no reactions whilst the chemo is
running in.
I'm also hoping my Oncologist will give me something for the bone pain when I have the Nuelasta injection.

One of my close friends is coming with me, so LOL's will be had.

Please keep me in your thoughts and ask the universe to keep me well.

lots of love
Shaz xxx

TAC 1 days 11 - 19

Thursday 9th November

Over the last 9 days, I have been feeling great, have  more energy and am back to do some things I love (netball coaching) shopping :)

Woke up Sunday and thought I had better tend to my bikini line, no need after all,  as body hair dropping like flies when sprayed with Mortene.

In the last few days my hair has been falling out in clumps.  On Wednesday night I asked the kids to shave it.  Both felt overwhelmed,  so we decided to wait until Saturday.

I woke this  morning (Thursday) and it was evident that I and my hair couldn't wait until Saturday and the "big shave" would have to happen today.

At 6.45pm, my gorgeous family took to the clippers and each had a turn shaving my hair.  I sat with my back to the mirror and quietly tears flowed by my face.  A couple of times, Master 9, looked me in the eyes and smiled, he smiled whilst battling to keep his tears at bay.  This young boy has a strength that some adults couldn't muster and here we were looking into each other's soul and he was willing me to be ok.

My daughter and son, gently shaved my head, both with the fear of hurting me and being overwhelmed with what was happening.  Hubby finished the shave and was shaking.

All of this was happening with each of them capturing this journey with photo's.  Photo's for us to look back on, photo's for us to share.  Photo's to remind ourselves how united we are.

When it was time for the reveal, my kids told me I looked good.  Hubby was calling me GI Jane (Demi Moore movie)  as I turned and looked into the mirror, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  I sobbed and I laughed and I laughed some more.
I then showered and we took more photo's.

I feel at peace.   I'm taking the hair loss as a positive, a sign that the chemo is working and killing any nasty cancer cells that may invade my body again.

Life is a journey of hardships and amazing moments.  Make the most of every second you have on this earth, take nothing for granted and always be kind to others (you may never know when you need help!)

My glass was full last night :)

with love

Shaz xxx