You are my sunshine

Thursday 4th April 2013


It's days away until I complete my radiation regime and I am so excited, yet petrified.  Having the treatment gives me a security blanket, I know the rad is destroying any cells that may have remained.  8 months with medical intervention then nothing but my own body and Tamoxifen...... counting on these 2 to keep me cancer free.
I do worry about recurrence, I'd be a fool if I didn't.  I'm not going to let this worry consume me, (it's too easy to give in to this worry) I can't stress about the "what if's".  I have done everything I can to be C free.   At every Mammogram, every MRI, Bone Scan, bloods etc, I know my heart will halt until I receive the news I'm clear.  The time in between the tests is one worth living to the full.

My left 1/2 breast is red and hot to touch (no jokes!!)  Left clavicle is so bloody sore and thankfully the salt water baths are helping.  I'm continuing with the moisturising and now wearing scarves to cover my chest when I'm in the sun.

My hair is getting longer by the day.  If I had a $1 for every time someone asked to feel my head, I would be rich!  I'm actually enjoying the bald look, when I'm out and about people see ME, for me.  I have know wear to hide, a confidence takes over and I'm at peace.
My eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back, my eyes are still dark and too me sunken, guess it's the standard "I've had chemo look"
My skin is dry too.

I'm LOVING the walks and squats.  Exercise and laughter is definitely the best medicine, I feel on top of the world.  Walking with out getting puffed out is bloody brilliant, look out I'm ready to run ;)
I have noticed when I'm extremely tired, my train of thought and speech slows too.  A reminder to rest, I'm not surper woman!

It's been a long hard road these last 8 months.  I have experienced fear in it's pure form, and an overwhelming amount of love from family and friends.
Tears flow as I think back to those few days of diagnosis,  thoughts of how will I ever get through Chemo and Rad, let alone 2 surgeries (more to come) are a distant memory.  I can see the light shining through my tunnel, it's getting brighter and I can almost feel it on my face, have I really got to the other side??

lots of love
Shaz x