Saturday 27th October
Holy Moly..... what a week I have had :(
Let's rewind:
Day 2 post chemo: Woke feeling ok. Had my nausea drugs, ate breakfast and felt like I had been hit by a truck. Slept most of the day and was feeling chuffed that nausea wasn't rearing it's ugly head.
Hubby cooked dinner and my dear friend popped around to give me my Nuelasta injection. (Nuelasta helps prevent infections) All went well with the shot or so I thought
Day 3: Woke as day before, had nausea meds then breakfast. Had the worse jaw pain and headache. As the day progressed the pain increased all over my body. OMG... I had heard Nuelasta can do this and "sort of" prepared my self but holy hell where has this come from.
I am a wimp when it comes to pain. I kept telling myself it is bound to get better as the minutes passed all I wanted to do was sleep and wake up mid Feb 2013 when all my chemo ended.
Day 4: Same as day before but pain was 1000x worse. I kept checking my temp as I was constantly flushed. Temp was 35.8, I was drinking fluids and able to eat YET I couldn't move. I'm not lying when I say every bone in my body was hurting. It hurt to talk let alone walk or eat.
Day 5: Same as day before but pain the same (could it getter any worse???) Woke up to farewell the kids and have breakfast. I then spent an hour in bed willing myself to get up and shake this pain from my body. Finally, I summed enough energy to shower then hit the couch with the tv remote. By the time I got to the couch, the tears had started. "why the hell is this happening to me??, I'm a good person, I care about people, I love my family, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?"
I cried for my hubby who is flat out doing everything for me and our little family, whilst working in our family business. I cried, because If I could take the cowards way, I would go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.
I called the Oncology Unit and was told Panadol was the advised pain killer! Every 4 hours I shoved it down my throat.
Today Day 5, I am over feeling like shit!
Day 6: It's Saturday, so I'm happy my hubby and kids are home with me. I'm happy because the pain is tolerable with Panadol. I've managed to do my physio, I'm happy because as shitty as this week has been, this shitty breast cancer was diagnosed before it was too late and I'm on the path to becoming a survivor.
Thanks to everyone for the love and thoughts. If I could have one thing, it would be to have a cuddle from my Mum and a quiet whisper 'don't cry, cause you will make me cry and it will be ok"
love and miss you Mum xxxx
Be kind to yourself, I'm trying.
lots of love
Shaz xx
Hugs honey - I am crying reading this.
ReplyDeleteIf I could take your pain away I would do it in an instant, as would any of your beautiful family and friends.
So sorry you have to go through this.
You are strong but this just isn't fair.
Thinking of you always.
Much love. xx