Happy New Year...

31st December 2012,


2012 has been a year full of highs and extreme lows.


My family and I were fortunate to enjoy 2 fun filled holidays in Bali with friends who we consider family.

We saw Miss 13 achieve great results in Netball and school, have braces fitted and grow so tall, beautiful and developing into a gorgeous young sensible lady.

Master 9 managed to get through the year without too many days off school due to illness, progress at school at his "slow and steady always wins the race" pace, gain weight, shoot up in height and continue to thrive as an amazing son.

14th August saw our life turn upside down.  I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, had  2 surgeries before 10th September and 4 Chemo cycles before 31 December.

Life can change in a split second.

Life is a wondrous thing, full of beauty, yet full of absolute pure hell.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson


My wish for you this 2013 is simple, grab life by the balls and go for it.  Don't let negative rule your days.  For every negative comes a positive.  I know some of you will say "bullshit" but look closely at yourself, you will find the positive, I promise you.
It's up to YOU to find it.
Let's not post negatives on FB, let's write them down and burn them, let's make 2013 a year blessed with positive things.

For me 2013.......

is going to be my year to shine brighter than I ever have.  A year that I will stop,  smell the roses and cherish every single minute of every day.
A year that will bless my family with all things good, a year that we will wake up daily and feel blessed to have each other in our lives.

A year that will see,  hubby and I get back into our fitness
A year that will see us, catching up with friends old and new.

Yes, I go into 2013 with 2 chemo's and radiation left.
It's all part of my life journey, a journey that you have all travelled with me.
For that I will be forever grateful.

Happy New Year

With love
Shaz xx

TAC 4 - 4 -11

Monday 31st December 2012


Well a week has past and time sure  is flying by.

My family and I had a wonderful Christmas Day.  The kids LOVED all the presents and  had big smiles all day.  Hubby made an amazing lunch, which we all enjoyed.

This round of chemo has seen me with  no sickness, thankgod for the regime of anti-nasuea drugs Prof Chan has me on.
The only side effect I have had is numb fingertips which kicked in day 7.  My tips feel burnt and have developed new lines on them.  Note to self:  be very careful when checking water temp in shower!

In the last 7 days,  Perth has had a heatwave,  my family and I have spent the time chilling in the air conditioning watching movies and have refreshing dips in our pool.  Family relaxation has been great, though,  the heat has meant the young fella has not been able to play outside, which has driven all of us crazy.  We need a giant hamster wheel for him to jump into and run his energy off.


I'm feeling good and will continue to keep smiling :)


lots of love
Shaz xxxxx

Merry Christmas 2012

Christmas Eve, 24th December 2012



From the bottom of my  heart,  THANK YOU for all the love and support you have shown me and family during the last 4 months.

From my family to yours, MERRY Christmas and Happy, Healthy 2013.

All our love

Shaz and Family xxxxxxxxx

TAC 4 Days 1-3.....I can see the finish line.....

Sunday 23rd December 2012

Day 1:
Friday was an emotional day.  We celebrated Mum's angelversary by throwing flowers in the Indian Ocean.
My Dad, Daughter and Son each threw flowers into the ocean, followed by me (hubby had to work)  Master 9 and Dad then jumped off the rocks, clowning around is something my dear Mum would expect from all of us.
We then headed to Mum and Dad's house and left a card and little statue of a bear holding a gold heart at Mum's urn.
Dad then headed off to Mum's spot.

We came home and I changed and got organised to head into The Mount for Chemo 4.
Miss 13 and I dropped Master 9 to hubby's work and made the 30 min drive into the hospital.
We were lucky enough to get a park straight away, then headed to see Prof Chan.
Thankfully we only waited 5 mins and was called in.  Again my bloods were perfect and off we headed to the pharmacy to order the drugs.

Chemo 4 ran in with no probs and I think it helped Miss 13 realise it's not as scary as it sounds and everyone is made to feel as relaxed as possible.

Thank You Miss 13 for holding my hand, I love you so much and am so proud of you for putting the fears aside and being my chemo partner.

Day 2:

Had a great sleep in (thanks hubby) had all my anti-nausea meds, breakfast then decided it's time to get this old body fit again.
So..... jumped in the pool and swan: 50 breaststroke laps, 30 walking laps and 40 lunges.
I felt fantastic when I got out of the pool and spent the rest of the day chilling.  My wonderful friend called past and gave me my Neulasta Injection, thank you~

We spent the evening watching the Christmas Carols on TV.

Day 3:

Another great sleep in, but spent majority of the night putting the sheet on and off, hot flushes.
Had anti-nausea med, breakfast, then jumped in the pool.
60 laps of Breaststoke, 60 lunges, 10 kickboard laps and a cool down of 10 walking laps.

My eye is definitely on the finish line.  I know I have Radiation to go, my focus in getting our lives back on track and getting my fitness back to where is was getting rid of the BIG 2 forever.

WOW can you believe I have had 2 major ops, 4 rounds of chemo since 29/8??

As you can tell, I'm so happy to have finished round 4!

lots of love to you all


Shaz xxxxxx

2 years :(

21st December 2012

On the 21st December 2010 my gorgeous Mum peacefully passed away holding my Dad's hand.
Our children spent time with Nan the night before, time they will always treasure.

Happy Heavenly 2nd Heavenly Anniversary Mum!
We Love you and miss you so very much. Always in our hearts and thoughts xxxxxxx

WHAT IS A MUM

*

A Mum is one of life’s best gifts,

Someone to treasure all life through.

She’s caring and loving,

Thoughtful and true,

Someone who is always a special part of your life,

Someone who holds a prime place in your heart,

She’s a mentor, a confidant and also a friend,

Someone on whose love you can depend.

A Mum always has your best interests at heart,

She’s someone so dear and so good,

10

She’s a blessing, she’s a gift,

She’s a treasure like no other,

She’s someone that is truly wonderful.

Wherever you go, and whatever you do,

A Mum’s love will always see you through,

A Mum is truly invaluable,

Indispensable and unforgettable.

I wouldn’t want anyone but you,

And that’s why I’m so grateful,

That life picked you for me.

Mum, love and miss you so much xxxxxx

TAC 3 Days 12-21

Wednesday 19th December 2012



I haven't posted for 10 days and I'm happy to say I have been feeling fab!

With Christmas and Mum's Angelversary  fast approaching I have been busy: shopping, having friends over for dinner, street party, taking the kids to the movies, more shopping and ironing :)

In my last post I told you all Hubby was staining the deck.  What a complete disaster!  (my words not his) Hubby hand sanded the entire deck, then applied the stain, only to discover the stain he used was the wrong one.  We now have a chabby chic looking deck and have to re-sand the entire thing!  For those not in Perth, we have had some rain, so hubby has been unable to do this job as yet.  I can hear him now "add it to my list!!"

Our beautiful children received great reports from school, hubby and I are so pleased with them.
We were worried about Miss 13, she bombed out in a maths test just after I was diagnosed.   We asked the school to keep a close eye on her, we also asked if she could have extra tuition during her lunch time.  "NO, that's when we all hang out".
We had a long chat with Miss 13 and  she promised to knuckle down.  Hard ask considering everything that was going on at home but she kept her word and we were so proud of her achievements. :)
Master 9 couldn't give 2 hoots about his report.  He is happy at school and tries so hard and is building his confidence, this report was the best yet :)

Master 9 came home with his portfolio and featured a prayer, thought I would share how beautiful my son is with you.


As the days approach Mum's Angelversary, I'm really feeling the loss.  I'm so happy Miss 13 is coming with me on Friday and I hope I feel Mum's presence.
Kids and I will head to Mum's spot this afternoon and place some Christmas Decorations, hopefully the kangaroo's don't eat them.

 I will be ecstatic once chemo 4 is finished and hope (have been touching wood) it's kind to me.    Holy Moly can you believe, come Friday I would have had 4 TAC's?

Excuse my spelling, grammar AGAIN, have been shopping all morning and now buggered.

Lots of love
Shaz xxxxxx

TAC 3 Days 6 - 11

Sunday 9th December


Reflecting over the last post I can honestly say I feel better for having my "oh why me" days.  I think it's important to let the dark into ones life to appreciate how far I have come and how crappy this BC journey really is.

From my last past I have spent majority of my time laying on the couch reading and watching tv.  My energy levels have been at an all time low.  I have struggled with this as my life pre "BC" was busy with playing volleyball, running, walking, housework, netball and being a full time Mum and Wife.
I know this will improve after all my treatment is over   (side effect of Radiation is fatigue :(  )  and it can't come soon enough.

Well in the last few days, my kids have finished school for 2012.  I am over the moon to have them home chilling with me.
My hubby turned our Christmas lights on Dec 1st and the house looks fantastic.  We all enjoy seeing the smiles on everyone's faces when they drive or walk by.
The kids and I headed to have the annual Santa photo taken and Master 9 asked for an "Ipad".

I had booked myself in to the "Look good, feel Better" workshop for Saturday morning.  Miss 13 was keen to attend with me as my support person.  At the workshop run for cancer patients who have undergone or are going through chemo or radiation.   It's all about getting us to feel good about ourselves and they way they do this is by skin care, make-up, hats, turbans and wigs.
Unfortunately the course was cancelled as they organisers couldn't gain access into the building.  Hopefully it will be rescheduled and I can attend.

Miss 13 is coming with me for Chemo 4 (yes number 4)  As you know it's my Mum's 2nd Angelversary on 21st December and it will also mark chemo day for me.  I am positive my mum will be sat with my daughter and myself while I have my chemo.
I think seeing me have chemo,  will take the 'scary' out of what Miss 13 have imagined in her mind.  She will see her Mum laugh with the nurses, drink coffee, suck ice and pee a lot.  I'm mindful of how stressed she may feel prior to coming but confident it will be a rewarding day for her.

So....chemo #4, 4 days before Christmas!!  Thankfully we have Christmas at home and my family will be ok with me laying on the couch.
Hubby and I have our lists going and I think we have everything sorted.  Mental note:  remind Dad to make the trifle :)
I'm looking forward to Christmas and seeing the smiles on the kids faces and spending quality time making old and new traditions.

Today I'm also reminded that in a months time we would of been in Bali.  Bali is our second home, we love the place. Yes, it can be grotty, loud drunk people, people begging, people stealing, people hassling for you to buy but we love it.  We have the best memories from all our trips.  It's cheap and our children love it.  I wish we were going and will go when my treatment is over and done with.
In the meantime, we will have to try and snatch some days away within our own state, can't have the kids spending 2 months off school and doing nothing.

So, that's me in the last 6 days.  As I type this, hubby is staining our deck, another job off his Christmas list to be marked off.  My gorgeous son is eating lunch at our gorgeous neighbours house and Miss 13 is meeting up with her bestie, having Maccas for lunch,  then heading back to ours for a sleepover.
As for me, I've got my head in the latest Alex Cross (James Patterson) book and my eye on the end of chemo - 3 to go :)

Be kind to yourself, today I'm trying :)

Shaz xxxxxx

ps:  thought I would share my kids Christmas photo with you

TAC 3 Day 1-5

Monday 3rd December


I headed off to my third cycle of TAC with my Dad feeling nervous.  My little fella still has a cold and I was hoping my bloods would come back and my Oncologist would say "you are good for chemo".

Dad and I left home at 7.30am, traffic is horrendous and I needed to have bloods done and 90 mins before my appointment.  We eventually arrived at The Mount and 8.45am, found a park and headed to pathology.  After a five minute wait, I was handed my results then we headed to the coffee shop for a cuppa before my appointment.

We headed up at 10.05 (my appointment was 10.10am) and finally got into see my Oncologist at 10.50am.    I was so happy my bloods were perfect and TAC 3 was going ahead.  My Oncocologist asked who has been injecting my Nuelasta and said "she is getting the spot"
THANK YOU to my dear friend who is injecting me each cycle.  I truly appreciate your friendship.

The infusion of Chemo went through as usual with no reactions and I was really happy to be finished with cycle 3 :)

The last 5 days have gone by quickly.  I have been SOOOOOOOO tired and have been slowly doing pottering around.
My family always decorate our house with Christmas lights and my hubby has done an amazing job again this year.
My Daughter helped put up our Christmas tree.  I had a few tears as my arms were hurting whilst putting on the lights and ornaments.
We spent an hour looking for a real tree yesterday and had loads of fun choosing it and chopping it down.

Today (day 5) is a glum day.  The sun is shining brightly and I should be in our pool enjoying myself or out and about Christmas shopping. Instead I'm on the couch and feeling sad.  Today I'm feeling "why the hell is this happening to me???" I'm feeling bloated, my eyes are sore, my arms are flabby, my  legs hurt and I'm pissed off that I have breast cancer.
I want to rewind 5 months and be as fit and active as I was.  I want to be able to go outside and not worry about burning, I want to see our Christmas lights without being frozen to the bone, I want to be happy with how I look, I want to feel attractive to my husband (again) I want to be the fun loving,  wine drinking girl, and I want to be a mum who can be there ALL the time.

This month is particularly hard as it's coming up to my Mum's 2nd Angelversary (21st Dec)  I would love a cuddle from my Mum and to hear her tell me "it's nearly over, you haven't got long to go".  I miss her so much :(

I have loads of good friends and the support has been overwhelming but travelling this cancer journey is so 'lonely'.  Nobody can 'feel' what you are going through and nobody can click fingers and make it go away.  Hubby tells me it's important to have down days, I agree but boy do they zap the energy.

Today, day 5,  I just want the world to rewind 5 months and tell me all I have is a cyst, not breast cancer.

Today I feel I've had enough crap thrown at our family, today I would like to say "Universe, please give me and my family a break!"

with love
Shaz x

TAC 2 DAY 11-15

Thursday 29th November


The last few days of TAC 2 were great until my little man came down with a cold.  I was worried I would get it,  so we blew kisses to each other and kept some distant between us.  Thank fully no sign of a cold for me and I'm ready for TAC 3.

Bring it!