TAC 3 Day 1-5

Monday 3rd December


I headed off to my third cycle of TAC with my Dad feeling nervous.  My little fella still has a cold and I was hoping my bloods would come back and my Oncologist would say "you are good for chemo".

Dad and I left home at 7.30am, traffic is horrendous and I needed to have bloods done and 90 mins before my appointment.  We eventually arrived at The Mount and 8.45am, found a park and headed to pathology.  After a five minute wait, I was handed my results then we headed to the coffee shop for a cuppa before my appointment.

We headed up at 10.05 (my appointment was 10.10am) and finally got into see my Oncologist at 10.50am.    I was so happy my bloods were perfect and TAC 3 was going ahead.  My Oncocologist asked who has been injecting my Nuelasta and said "she is getting the spot"
THANK YOU to my dear friend who is injecting me each cycle.  I truly appreciate your friendship.

The infusion of Chemo went through as usual with no reactions and I was really happy to be finished with cycle 3 :)

The last 5 days have gone by quickly.  I have been SOOOOOOOO tired and have been slowly doing pottering around.
My family always decorate our house with Christmas lights and my hubby has done an amazing job again this year.
My Daughter helped put up our Christmas tree.  I had a few tears as my arms were hurting whilst putting on the lights and ornaments.
We spent an hour looking for a real tree yesterday and had loads of fun choosing it and chopping it down.

Today (day 5) is a glum day.  The sun is shining brightly and I should be in our pool enjoying myself or out and about Christmas shopping. Instead I'm on the couch and feeling sad.  Today I'm feeling "why the hell is this happening to me???" I'm feeling bloated, my eyes are sore, my arms are flabby, my  legs hurt and I'm pissed off that I have breast cancer.
I want to rewind 5 months and be as fit and active as I was.  I want to be able to go outside and not worry about burning, I want to see our Christmas lights without being frozen to the bone, I want to be happy with how I look, I want to feel attractive to my husband (again) I want to be the fun loving,  wine drinking girl, and I want to be a mum who can be there ALL the time.

This month is particularly hard as it's coming up to my Mum's 2nd Angelversary (21st Dec)  I would love a cuddle from my Mum and to hear her tell me "it's nearly over, you haven't got long to go".  I miss her so much :(

I have loads of good friends and the support has been overwhelming but travelling this cancer journey is so 'lonely'.  Nobody can 'feel' what you are going through and nobody can click fingers and make it go away.  Hubby tells me it's important to have down days, I agree but boy do they zap the energy.

Today, day 5,  I just want the world to rewind 5 months and tell me all I have is a cyst, not breast cancer.

Today I feel I've had enough crap thrown at our family, today I would like to say "Universe, please give me and my family a break!"

with love
Shaz x