Happy New Year...

31st December 2012,


2012 has been a year full of highs and extreme lows.


My family and I were fortunate to enjoy 2 fun filled holidays in Bali with friends who we consider family.

We saw Miss 13 achieve great results in Netball and school, have braces fitted and grow so tall, beautiful and developing into a gorgeous young sensible lady.

Master 9 managed to get through the year without too many days off school due to illness, progress at school at his "slow and steady always wins the race" pace, gain weight, shoot up in height and continue to thrive as an amazing son.

14th August saw our life turn upside down.  I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, had  2 surgeries before 10th September and 4 Chemo cycles before 31 December.

Life can change in a split second.

Life is a wondrous thing, full of beauty, yet full of absolute pure hell.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson


My wish for you this 2013 is simple, grab life by the balls and go for it.  Don't let negative rule your days.  For every negative comes a positive.  I know some of you will say "bullshit" but look closely at yourself, you will find the positive, I promise you.
It's up to YOU to find it.
Let's not post negatives on FB, let's write them down and burn them, let's make 2013 a year blessed with positive things.

For me 2013.......

is going to be my year to shine brighter than I ever have.  A year that I will stop,  smell the roses and cherish every single minute of every day.
A year that will bless my family with all things good, a year that we will wake up daily and feel blessed to have each other in our lives.

A year that will see,  hubby and I get back into our fitness
A year that will see us, catching up with friends old and new.

Yes, I go into 2013 with 2 chemo's and radiation left.
It's all part of my life journey, a journey that you have all travelled with me.
For that I will be forever grateful.

Happy New Year

With love
Shaz xx

TAC 4 - 4 -11

Monday 31st December 2012


Well a week has past and time sure  is flying by.

My family and I had a wonderful Christmas Day.  The kids LOVED all the presents and  had big smiles all day.  Hubby made an amazing lunch, which we all enjoyed.

This round of chemo has seen me with  no sickness, thankgod for the regime of anti-nasuea drugs Prof Chan has me on.
The only side effect I have had is numb fingertips which kicked in day 7.  My tips feel burnt and have developed new lines on them.  Note to self:  be very careful when checking water temp in shower!

In the last 7 days,  Perth has had a heatwave,  my family and I have spent the time chilling in the air conditioning watching movies and have refreshing dips in our pool.  Family relaxation has been great, though,  the heat has meant the young fella has not been able to play outside, which has driven all of us crazy.  We need a giant hamster wheel for him to jump into and run his energy off.


I'm feeling good and will continue to keep smiling :)


lots of love
Shaz xxxxx

Merry Christmas 2012

Christmas Eve, 24th December 2012



From the bottom of my  heart,  THANK YOU for all the love and support you have shown me and family during the last 4 months.

From my family to yours, MERRY Christmas and Happy, Healthy 2013.

All our love

Shaz and Family xxxxxxxxx

TAC 4 Days 1-3.....I can see the finish line.....

Sunday 23rd December 2012

Day 1:
Friday was an emotional day.  We celebrated Mum's angelversary by throwing flowers in the Indian Ocean.
My Dad, Daughter and Son each threw flowers into the ocean, followed by me (hubby had to work)  Master 9 and Dad then jumped off the rocks, clowning around is something my dear Mum would expect from all of us.
We then headed to Mum and Dad's house and left a card and little statue of a bear holding a gold heart at Mum's urn.
Dad then headed off to Mum's spot.

We came home and I changed and got organised to head into The Mount for Chemo 4.
Miss 13 and I dropped Master 9 to hubby's work and made the 30 min drive into the hospital.
We were lucky enough to get a park straight away, then headed to see Prof Chan.
Thankfully we only waited 5 mins and was called in.  Again my bloods were perfect and off we headed to the pharmacy to order the drugs.

Chemo 4 ran in with no probs and I think it helped Miss 13 realise it's not as scary as it sounds and everyone is made to feel as relaxed as possible.

Thank You Miss 13 for holding my hand, I love you so much and am so proud of you for putting the fears aside and being my chemo partner.

Day 2:

Had a great sleep in (thanks hubby) had all my anti-nausea meds, breakfast then decided it's time to get this old body fit again.
So..... jumped in the pool and swan: 50 breaststroke laps, 30 walking laps and 40 lunges.
I felt fantastic when I got out of the pool and spent the rest of the day chilling.  My wonderful friend called past and gave me my Neulasta Injection, thank you~

We spent the evening watching the Christmas Carols on TV.

Day 3:

Another great sleep in, but spent majority of the night putting the sheet on and off, hot flushes.
Had anti-nausea med, breakfast, then jumped in the pool.
60 laps of Breaststoke, 60 lunges, 10 kickboard laps and a cool down of 10 walking laps.

My eye is definitely on the finish line.  I know I have Radiation to go, my focus in getting our lives back on track and getting my fitness back to where is was getting rid of the BIG 2 forever.

WOW can you believe I have had 2 major ops, 4 rounds of chemo since 29/8??

As you can tell, I'm so happy to have finished round 4!

lots of love to you all


Shaz xxxxxx

2 years :(

21st December 2012

On the 21st December 2010 my gorgeous Mum peacefully passed away holding my Dad's hand.
Our children spent time with Nan the night before, time they will always treasure.

Happy Heavenly 2nd Heavenly Anniversary Mum!
We Love you and miss you so very much. Always in our hearts and thoughts xxxxxxx

WHAT IS A MUM

*

A Mum is one of life’s best gifts,

Someone to treasure all life through.

She’s caring and loving,

Thoughtful and true,

Someone who is always a special part of your life,

Someone who holds a prime place in your heart,

She’s a mentor, a confidant and also a friend,

Someone on whose love you can depend.

A Mum always has your best interests at heart,

She’s someone so dear and so good,

10

She’s a blessing, she’s a gift,

She’s a treasure like no other,

She’s someone that is truly wonderful.

Wherever you go, and whatever you do,

A Mum’s love will always see you through,

A Mum is truly invaluable,

Indispensable and unforgettable.

I wouldn’t want anyone but you,

And that’s why I’m so grateful,

That life picked you for me.

Mum, love and miss you so much xxxxxx

TAC 3 Days 12-21

Wednesday 19th December 2012



I haven't posted for 10 days and I'm happy to say I have been feeling fab!

With Christmas and Mum's Angelversary  fast approaching I have been busy: shopping, having friends over for dinner, street party, taking the kids to the movies, more shopping and ironing :)

In my last post I told you all Hubby was staining the deck.  What a complete disaster!  (my words not his) Hubby hand sanded the entire deck, then applied the stain, only to discover the stain he used was the wrong one.  We now have a chabby chic looking deck and have to re-sand the entire thing!  For those not in Perth, we have had some rain, so hubby has been unable to do this job as yet.  I can hear him now "add it to my list!!"

Our beautiful children received great reports from school, hubby and I are so pleased with them.
We were worried about Miss 13, she bombed out in a maths test just after I was diagnosed.   We asked the school to keep a close eye on her, we also asked if she could have extra tuition during her lunch time.  "NO, that's when we all hang out".
We had a long chat with Miss 13 and  she promised to knuckle down.  Hard ask considering everything that was going on at home but she kept her word and we were so proud of her achievements. :)
Master 9 couldn't give 2 hoots about his report.  He is happy at school and tries so hard and is building his confidence, this report was the best yet :)

Master 9 came home with his portfolio and featured a prayer, thought I would share how beautiful my son is with you.


As the days approach Mum's Angelversary, I'm really feeling the loss.  I'm so happy Miss 13 is coming with me on Friday and I hope I feel Mum's presence.
Kids and I will head to Mum's spot this afternoon and place some Christmas Decorations, hopefully the kangaroo's don't eat them.

 I will be ecstatic once chemo 4 is finished and hope (have been touching wood) it's kind to me.    Holy Moly can you believe, come Friday I would have had 4 TAC's?

Excuse my spelling, grammar AGAIN, have been shopping all morning and now buggered.

Lots of love
Shaz xxxxxx

TAC 3 Days 6 - 11

Sunday 9th December


Reflecting over the last post I can honestly say I feel better for having my "oh why me" days.  I think it's important to let the dark into ones life to appreciate how far I have come and how crappy this BC journey really is.

From my last past I have spent majority of my time laying on the couch reading and watching tv.  My energy levels have been at an all time low.  I have struggled with this as my life pre "BC" was busy with playing volleyball, running, walking, housework, netball and being a full time Mum and Wife.
I know this will improve after all my treatment is over   (side effect of Radiation is fatigue :(  )  and it can't come soon enough.

Well in the last few days, my kids have finished school for 2012.  I am over the moon to have them home chilling with me.
My hubby turned our Christmas lights on Dec 1st and the house looks fantastic.  We all enjoy seeing the smiles on everyone's faces when they drive or walk by.
The kids and I headed to have the annual Santa photo taken and Master 9 asked for an "Ipad".

I had booked myself in to the "Look good, feel Better" workshop for Saturday morning.  Miss 13 was keen to attend with me as my support person.  At the workshop run for cancer patients who have undergone or are going through chemo or radiation.   It's all about getting us to feel good about ourselves and they way they do this is by skin care, make-up, hats, turbans and wigs.
Unfortunately the course was cancelled as they organisers couldn't gain access into the building.  Hopefully it will be rescheduled and I can attend.

Miss 13 is coming with me for Chemo 4 (yes number 4)  As you know it's my Mum's 2nd Angelversary on 21st December and it will also mark chemo day for me.  I am positive my mum will be sat with my daughter and myself while I have my chemo.
I think seeing me have chemo,  will take the 'scary' out of what Miss 13 have imagined in her mind.  She will see her Mum laugh with the nurses, drink coffee, suck ice and pee a lot.  I'm mindful of how stressed she may feel prior to coming but confident it will be a rewarding day for her.

So....chemo #4, 4 days before Christmas!!  Thankfully we have Christmas at home and my family will be ok with me laying on the couch.
Hubby and I have our lists going and I think we have everything sorted.  Mental note:  remind Dad to make the trifle :)
I'm looking forward to Christmas and seeing the smiles on the kids faces and spending quality time making old and new traditions.

Today I'm also reminded that in a months time we would of been in Bali.  Bali is our second home, we love the place. Yes, it can be grotty, loud drunk people, people begging, people stealing, people hassling for you to buy but we love it.  We have the best memories from all our trips.  It's cheap and our children love it.  I wish we were going and will go when my treatment is over and done with.
In the meantime, we will have to try and snatch some days away within our own state, can't have the kids spending 2 months off school and doing nothing.

So, that's me in the last 6 days.  As I type this, hubby is staining our deck, another job off his Christmas list to be marked off.  My gorgeous son is eating lunch at our gorgeous neighbours house and Miss 13 is meeting up with her bestie, having Maccas for lunch,  then heading back to ours for a sleepover.
As for me, I've got my head in the latest Alex Cross (James Patterson) book and my eye on the end of chemo - 3 to go :)

Be kind to yourself, today I'm trying :)

Shaz xxxxxx

ps:  thought I would share my kids Christmas photo with you

TAC 3 Day 1-5

Monday 3rd December


I headed off to my third cycle of TAC with my Dad feeling nervous.  My little fella still has a cold and I was hoping my bloods would come back and my Oncologist would say "you are good for chemo".

Dad and I left home at 7.30am, traffic is horrendous and I needed to have bloods done and 90 mins before my appointment.  We eventually arrived at The Mount and 8.45am, found a park and headed to pathology.  After a five minute wait, I was handed my results then we headed to the coffee shop for a cuppa before my appointment.

We headed up at 10.05 (my appointment was 10.10am) and finally got into see my Oncologist at 10.50am.    I was so happy my bloods were perfect and TAC 3 was going ahead.  My Oncocologist asked who has been injecting my Nuelasta and said "she is getting the spot"
THANK YOU to my dear friend who is injecting me each cycle.  I truly appreciate your friendship.

The infusion of Chemo went through as usual with no reactions and I was really happy to be finished with cycle 3 :)

The last 5 days have gone by quickly.  I have been SOOOOOOOO tired and have been slowly doing pottering around.
My family always decorate our house with Christmas lights and my hubby has done an amazing job again this year.
My Daughter helped put up our Christmas tree.  I had a few tears as my arms were hurting whilst putting on the lights and ornaments.
We spent an hour looking for a real tree yesterday and had loads of fun choosing it and chopping it down.

Today (day 5) is a glum day.  The sun is shining brightly and I should be in our pool enjoying myself or out and about Christmas shopping. Instead I'm on the couch and feeling sad.  Today I'm feeling "why the hell is this happening to me???" I'm feeling bloated, my eyes are sore, my arms are flabby, my  legs hurt and I'm pissed off that I have breast cancer.
I want to rewind 5 months and be as fit and active as I was.  I want to be able to go outside and not worry about burning, I want to see our Christmas lights without being frozen to the bone, I want to be happy with how I look, I want to feel attractive to my husband (again) I want to be the fun loving,  wine drinking girl, and I want to be a mum who can be there ALL the time.

This month is particularly hard as it's coming up to my Mum's 2nd Angelversary (21st Dec)  I would love a cuddle from my Mum and to hear her tell me "it's nearly over, you haven't got long to go".  I miss her so much :(

I have loads of good friends and the support has been overwhelming but travelling this cancer journey is so 'lonely'.  Nobody can 'feel' what you are going through and nobody can click fingers and make it go away.  Hubby tells me it's important to have down days, I agree but boy do they zap the energy.

Today, day 5,  I just want the world to rewind 5 months and tell me all I have is a cyst, not breast cancer.

Today I feel I've had enough crap thrown at our family, today I would like to say "Universe, please give me and my family a break!"

with love
Shaz x

TAC 2 DAY 11-15

Thursday 29th November


The last few days of TAC 2 were great until my little man came down with a cold.  I was worried I would get it,  so we blew kisses to each other and kept some distant between us.  Thank fully no sign of a cold for me and I'm ready for TAC 3.

Bring it!

TAC 2 Day 3 -10

Friday 23 November 2012


The last 8 days have gone quick and thankfully without too much pain.  The Anti-inflammatory meds worked a treat in the first 5 days.

I have been taking things easy and trying to have every second day as a "time out" day.

I spent a morning with a gorgeous friend and walked along Mullaloo Beach (nearly to Hillary's) Our coastline is beautiful and I enjoyed the wind in my face and the sun on my back.

I had a check up with my lymphedema Physio and am happy to report I have full movement in my arm.  I'm so thrilled to hear this news and even happier to hear no swelling is in my left arm.
I will see this Physio during my radiation treatment  as new scare tissue will form, causing decreased movement.
A good friend joined my on my appointment and we then chilled at my house for the day. Thanks J xx

I'm feeling great.  I now have bald patches on my head, guessing I'll be completely bald soon.  TBH, it's actually quiet liberating having no hair, I no longer spend hours in the shower and bathroom grooming.  My eyelashes are also slowly coming out and a couple of hairs on my legs are hanging on for dear life.

I ordered new bandanna's online from USA and was excited to receive them yesterday.  I now have all sorts of colours and a couple of pirate ones :)  I do have beautiful scarves to wear, but find the bandanna is cooler.

6 sleeps until I have cycle 3.  I am hoping my bloods are normal so I can have this cycle. I'm also feeling anxious,   It will be only 16 days since my last cycle (normally 21) Will my body be able to handle TAC so close?  On the other hand, I'm really excited that it will mean I'm having number 3 - half way, I'm at the bottom of the hill and ready to bolt to the top.

So from now till Thursday 29th, I plan to rest up and enjoy spending time with my family.  We aim to catch Skyfall, finish decorating the house with Christmas lights and enjoy a glass or 2 of fine wine.
My big plan is keeping healthy.  A nasty gastro bug is going around and both kids have suggested they stay home from school HAHA - good try kids!

I'm hoping you are all happy, happy with yourself and your life.  It really doesn't matter how much money you have in  your bank, the size of the house you live in, car you drive, clothes you wear, all of this material stuff means NOTHING.
What matters is YOU and those closest to you.  Keep love, laughter and kindness at the forefront of everything you do and you will be blessed.  Remind those dear to you how much you love them,  cuddle your children daily, look them in the eye and tell them how important they are and how much you love them.

D, C-R, L and Dad:  Love to all to the moon and back way more :)
With love
Shaz xxxx

TAC 2 day 2

Thursday 15th November


Chemo yesterday went well.
Started off the day with an appointment with my oncologist who prescribed meds to help with bone pain after my Neulasta injection tonight.  She told memy blood work was normal, I'm  very happy with this and whilst the bone pain was horrific, the silver lining is,  it did it's job.

I didn't have any reactions to the TAC running thru my cannula and I'm again thankful for that.  We arrived home at 4pm and thankfully hubby was home with the kids and he had started the cleaning.
I LOVE YOU D!

After the cleaning, hubby and I went for our walk with our big dog.  Was feeling tired so we took our time.  Came home,  ate dinner then relaxed on the couch.

Over night had a "twilight sleep", you know the one, border line awake, can hear every little noise, including hubby and small dog, tuning in with each other's noise whistling.  So have woken feeling tired today.  Have taken all my anti nausea meds and meds to help with tonight injection.  Feeling flushed (happened last time).  Will spend the day resting and watching a movie.  My dear Dad is picking the kids up from school.  Thanks Dad, I love you.

My gorgeous friend came with me yesterday and we certainly entertained ourselves over the long day.  Thanks for coming chicky, love you.

Thanks to my dear training buddy and my very own home nurse for taking the time to come around and inject Neulasta into me 24 hours after each chemo treatment.  You have always inspired me with your courage and "just keep going" mentally during all our boot camp sessions and now I get to have your compassionate bedside manner,  love you.

To everyone who reads my blog and has shown so much love and support, THANKS... love you all too.

To my babies:  Love you both to the moon and back, way, way, way, way, way more :)
Please keep your fingers crossed that the next few days are kind to me.

lots of love
Shaz xxxx

Cycle 2 - TAC

Wednesday 14th November


Chemo day: cycle 2 is upon me!

Feeling ok,   I know what to expect and hope I have no reactions whilst the chemo is
running in.
I'm also hoping my Oncologist will give me something for the bone pain when I have the Nuelasta injection.

One of my close friends is coming with me, so LOL's will be had.

Please keep me in your thoughts and ask the universe to keep me well.

lots of love
Shaz xxx

TAC 1 days 11 - 19

Thursday 9th November

Over the last 9 days, I have been feeling great, have  more energy and am back to do some things I love (netball coaching) shopping :)

Woke up Sunday and thought I had better tend to my bikini line, no need after all,  as body hair dropping like flies when sprayed with Mortene.

In the last few days my hair has been falling out in clumps.  On Wednesday night I asked the kids to shave it.  Both felt overwhelmed,  so we decided to wait until Saturday.

I woke this  morning (Thursday) and it was evident that I and my hair couldn't wait until Saturday and the "big shave" would have to happen today.

At 6.45pm, my gorgeous family took to the clippers and each had a turn shaving my hair.  I sat with my back to the mirror and quietly tears flowed by my face.  A couple of times, Master 9, looked me in the eyes and smiled, he smiled whilst battling to keep his tears at bay.  This young boy has a strength that some adults couldn't muster and here we were looking into each other's soul and he was willing me to be ok.

My daughter and son, gently shaved my head, both with the fear of hurting me and being overwhelmed with what was happening.  Hubby finished the shave and was shaking.

All of this was happening with each of them capturing this journey with photo's.  Photo's for us to look back on, photo's for us to share.  Photo's to remind ourselves how united we are.

When it was time for the reveal, my kids told me I looked good.  Hubby was calling me GI Jane (Demi Moore movie)  as I turned and looked into the mirror, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  I sobbed and I laughed and I laughed some more.
I then showered and we took more photo's.

I feel at peace.   I'm taking the hair loss as a positive, a sign that the chemo is working and killing any nasty cancer cells that may invade my body again.

Life is a journey of hardships and amazing moments.  Make the most of every second you have on this earth, take nothing for granted and always be kind to others (you may never know when you need help!)

My glass was full last night :)

with love

Shaz xxx

TAC 1 - Day 7 - 10

Wednesday 31 October 2012



Days 7 - 10 post Chemo have been up and down.  I have been taking things easy, well trying to and resting when I feel I need.

I actually went out shopping by myself on Monday, then returned  home and decided to do the ironing, followed up with cooking dinner.  WHOA.... bit too much for the body.  I did end the day going to watch Miss 13 play netball.

I think I am finally out of the Chemo cloud that had my mind in a haze, it felt   like I have been on the biggest bender of all time and all I had to show for it was the headache from hell.   My skin feels back to normal and my left eye has stopped twitching. (painting a glam picture of myself aren't I?)

In the last few days, I have been thinking about all the "comments" I have had since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer..
I try to keep everyone's well meaning stories of "my brother's wife's,  Mum has breast cancer" at arms length.  I know people are trying to help but PLEASE everyone's journey is so different.
I'm pissed off with the "oh how can you do that job whilst you are having Chemo" OR "I had a scare last year and THANK GOD it was negative"...... hmmmmm I'm glad it was negative but you are speaking to someone who is positive to BC, could you reword what you just said?  OR the one I flipped at "maybe your surgeon was knife happy" WTF!!

I have always been sensitive to other people's feelings and life journeys.  Everybody deals with situations differently and I guess as a person living the breast cancer nightmare, I need to be able to tolerate silly comments, I will choose to listen but ignore them, unless you say something absolutely stupid!

If you don't know what to say... tell me that, I'm happy with that, I would rather that, then "my friend vomited the whole 4 months of chemo".  

So until next time, I'm happy doing what I do.  I know when I need to rest and I know when to ask for help.

lots of love
Shaz
xxx

TAC 1 - Day 2 - 6

Saturday 27th October


Holy Moly..... what a week I have had :(

Let's rewind:

Day 2 post chemo:  Woke feeling ok.  Had my nausea drugs, ate breakfast and felt like I had been hit by a truck.  Slept most of the day and was feeling chuffed that nausea wasn't rearing it's ugly head.
Hubby cooked dinner and my dear friend popped around to give me my Nuelasta injection.  (Nuelasta helps prevent infections)  All went well with the shot or so I thought

Day 3:  Woke as day before, had nausea meds then breakfast.  Had the worse jaw pain and headache.  As the day progressed the pain increased all over my body.  OMG... I had heard Nuelasta can do this and "sort of" prepared my self but holy hell where has this come from.
I am a wimp when it comes to pain.  I kept telling myself it is bound to get better as the minutes passed all I wanted to do was sleep and wake up mid Feb 2013 when all my chemo ended.

Day 4: Same as day before but pain was 1000x worse.  I kept checking my temp as I was constantly flushed.  Temp was 35.8, I was drinking fluids and able to eat YET I couldn't move.  I'm not lying when I say every bone in my body was hurting.  It hurt to talk let alone walk or eat.


Day 5:  Same as day before but pain the same (could it getter any worse???)   Woke up to farewell the kids and have breakfast.  I then spent an hour in bed willing myself to get up and shake this pain from my body.  Finally, I summed enough energy to shower then hit the couch with the tv remote.  By the time I got to the couch, the tears had started.  "why the hell is this happening to me??, I'm a good person, I care about people, I love my family, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?"
I cried for my hubby who is flat out doing everything for me and our little family, whilst working in our family business.  I cried, because If I could take the cowards way,  I would go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.
I called the Oncology Unit and was told Panadol was the advised pain killer!  Every 4 hours I shoved it down my throat.
Today Day 5,  I am over feeling like shit!

Day 6:  It's Saturday, so I'm happy my hubby and kids are home with me.  I'm happy because the pain is tolerable with Panadol.  I've managed to do my physio,  I'm happy because as shitty as this week has been, this shitty breast cancer was diagnosed before it was too late and I'm on the path to becoming a survivor.

Thanks to everyone for the love and thoughts.  If I could have one thing,  it would be to have a cuddle from my Mum  and a quiet whisper 'don't cry, cause you will make me cry and it will be ok"
love and miss you Mum xxxx

Be kind to yourself, I'm trying.

lots of love
Shaz xx

What a long day

23rd October 2012

WOW, yesterday was such a long day.

Had my physio appointment at 11.40am and am pleased to report my arm has just about got full movement (1 degree to go)
Hubby and I went and had lunch after physio as my Oncologist/Chemo appointment was at 1.15pm

1.10pm came and we headed up to the 4th floor, walked into the Oncologist rooms and the waiting room was full.  BUGGER!!!!  We waited over an hour and finally, I was called in.  Prof Chan went through my bloods, all good, but need Vit D supplements (very common in WA women apparently)
Went through results of MRI and every thing is good,  as was my heart scan :)
Prof Chan then discussed my chemo regime, talked about all my anti nausea meds and any side effects I may get.  After thanking her, we headed to pharmacy to order the chemo and get all the meds.

As the chemo unit was full, I was to have my first cycle of chemo on the ward.  We had to go to admissions first and of course waited for ever.  Finally we were seen, then headed up by ourselves to level 2, found our bed then waited for the chemo nurse.

I was prepped with a cannula, then waited for the chemo to arrive.  TAC is abbreviated for the chemo drugs and I was to have the red drug (strongest first) this is the one that can cause mouth ulcers so I was to suck on 2 icypoles then a cup of ice.  Purpose of this is to keep the mouth cold whilst both syringes were pushed though my system over 15 minutes.
2nd chemo drug took an hour to run through with a 10 min saline flush after.
My 3rd and final drug took 20 mins to run and boy was I ready to get home.

Hubby and I arrived home at 7.30pm and after chatting with the kids, out them to bed, ate dinner, hubby did the ironing we headed to bed at 9.45pm.  We managed to sleep right through the night without me having to get up and down for the loo or nausea tabs.

Woke this morning and feel ok but tired.  Spending the day on the lounge catching up on tv and pottering about the house.

I'm so glad my first cycle is over and I know it's early days,  but as long as I keep thinking about the end result, everything that my body throws at me, I will handle.

Thank you everyone for all the love and support.  You all make me feel very loved and strong.

with love
Shaz xxxxxx

TAC first cycle

Monday 22nd October


Today is Australia's National Breast Cancer Day, today is also the day I start my chemo regime.

My family and I have spent an amazing weekend with our CDH Australia Family.  We had a 3 day conference, beginning with a medical workshop, followed by a family dinner on Friday.  Saturday consisted of a support workshop at Perth Zoo.  The weather was perfect and the kids spent the day roaming around looking at the animals (babysitters were in attendance) whilst the adults shared their journeys.  We ended the day with another family dinner.
Sunday's family day saw us at The Great Escape and it's safe to say, we were all exhausted.

The weekend was great as I didn't spend much time focusing on today.  My hubby and I had to keep our emotions in check as we both felt the tears would flow and never stop.  We really struggled saying goodbye to very special friends, they make us feel so loved and  we are blessed to have these friends in our lives and these friendships show everyone, that a devastating birth defect can  bring something beautiful even in such dark times.
We love you and you know who you are.

Last night my hubby and I sat and chatted about today, we are both so scared.  The unknown is the scariest thing and I'm sure whilst driving in I will have a 'freak out'.

This morning I spent a little time talking to Miss 13 about how much I love her and how chemo is such a shitty thing,  but needs to be done.  I asked her to work hard at school, be kind to her brother and always remember she can do and be anything she puts her mind too.  As she went off to school, "good luck Mum, I love you"

I also spoke with my son and again told him how much I love him and work hard and always be kind to his big sister.  I explained again about the chemo and hair loss and Mum may be sick.  He gave his usual response, with his beautiful smile "love you to the moon and back way more"
With that he joined his sister in the car and they both waved and blew kisses.

I feel calmer as I'm typing.  Like delivering my sick son, having the lumpectomy, followed by the partial mastectomy, I can't get out of having chemo, I have to suck it up.

Yes, I'm  petrified but at the end of today, it's one day 5 to go.

I've got this!!!

Lots of love to you all
Shaz xxxxx

It's only hair... but is it?????

Thursday 18th October


I made the decision to have my haircut prior to starting Chemo on Monday, not an easy decision.

You see, I have been growing my hair for 3 years and was happy with the length.  Every time I had my 6 weekly hair appointment I always instructed my  hairdresser to trim the ends.  I don't want short hair, if I did I would have had it short months ago.

BC has made the choice for me.  I'm struggling with this... I don't want it having any more power of me than it does already.

I cried all day yesterday.  I cried driving to the hairdressers, cried looking at hairstyle books, big tears the kind that you can hear when they drop onto your shirt, I cried when my gorgeous friend and hairdresser cut my hair and I cried when I drove home and saw my family.

I keep getting told "it's only hair!".  I'm over this, it's not "only hair'  It's my hair and it wasn't my choice to have it cut.  Yes, I made the decision to cut it prior to chemo but that's because I don't want to see long lengths on my pillow.

I get you mean well, but stop and listen to what you say... how would you feel????  Yep, you don't know how you will feel UNLESS it happens to you.  I hope you or a friend or family member NEVER has to go through this.

Yes, I'm coping and I'm at peace with my diagnosis but I'm not happy about my cutting my hair.

Be kind to yourselves, it's my advice to you.

love
Shaz xxxxx

What I've learnt

Tuesday 9th October


I asked my husband if it's odd being at peace with my diagnosis!  I am feeling extremely calm and yes at peace with all things BC.
My Hubby's theory is I'm in survival mode, something we know extremely well after having a son born with CDH.

What we learnt from having a son born with CDH:

1) Never take a healthy pregnancy for granted
2) Our health system is pretty good
3) Take each day as it comes
4) Tell your children you love them constantly
5) Always be open and honest with yourself
6) Be kind to yourself:  allow yourself to cry, take help, talk
7) Money doesn't buy happiness
8) True Friends will be by your side in the happy times and the darkest hours
9) We are  good people with big hearts
10) BE POSITIVE
11) Hubby and I  are soul mates

 I am taking all of the above into my crappy  journey. Armed with the above, I will be a survivor!!


I'm at peace :)


With love
Shaz xxx

So this is it......

Wednesday 3rd October


In the last week since my last post, I have been busy doing "normal" things with my family.  Picking the kids up from school, Royal Show visit,dinner with friends, movies with my son and breakfast with a friend.  All of this has kept me busy and yes I have been resting.

Had a phone call yesterday late afternoon from my Radiation Oncologist room's telling me about my appointment next Monday.  "Huh.... I have an appointment?"   Thankfully they called to get my Medicare number as I would of missed that appointment as they had neglected to notify me.

I started today enjoying a nice breakfast catchup with a friend.  Came home and relaxed before my appointment with Prof Chan.

At 2.15pm, my hubby and I headed into The Mount.  When we arrived at Prof Chan's rooms I completed paperwork and we sat quietly waiting.  An older woman was with her son, she was wearing a scarf so obviously was undergoing treatment.  I looked at her and again thought "OMG, I'm so bloody young, why the hell is this happening to ME????"

Eventually it was my time to go in and we were greeted by a vivacious woman who I instantly liked.  Prof Chan shook my hand then introduced herself to my hubby.  She asked my some questions, then ran through my pathology.

I have Ductal Carcinoma in situ (DCIS) (which apparently is the common type of BC) and it's stage 2 (not stressing about that)
I am also hormone receptor positive so will be on Tamoxifen (daily) after treatment.

So... starting to feel emotional at this point.  Prof Chan checks my 1 1/2 boobs and is really pleased with my surgeon's handy work and my recovery.   I pop my bra and top back on and sit back down.  I get told as of right now I have NO cancer cells in my body :)

CHEMO:

My chemo is called TAC  - Docetaxel (T)  Doxorubicin (A)  Cyclophosphamide (C)
and I will have 6 cycles over 18 weeks, which is the equivalent of 1 every 3 weeks

I have to take a pre-med night prior to each  chemo cycle: morning of chemo, night of chemo, morning after chemo and night after chemo

On the day AFTER chemo I need to have an injection of an immune booster in my belly.  This drug is worth $2000 and I need to have it 6 times.  My hubby will learn how to do this injection, this will save us travelling into The Mount.

I was also told I would notice my hair falling out on day 19 after having my first cycle of chemo and the drugs could put me into early menopause.  I could feel the tears coming then and had to reach for a tissue.

Prof Chan looked at her diary and I then asked if I could start my treatment after the CDH Australia CAAF weekend.  She had a think and said this was ok.
I also asked about our trip to Bali in January "should we cancel?"  Prof Chan said I should be ok going but would need to be very careful about sunburn.  Hubby and I will see how my first cycles go and make our decision later.

First day of chemo:  Monday 22nd October at 1.15pm.    The first dosage will run through slowly and will take around 4 hours.  Further cycles will take approx 2 hours.  I was told to listen half heartedly to advice given to me by those not in the medical field and told to follow her instructions to the T.
Prof Chan is straight forward and explained everything to hubby and I.

I will have a heart scan prior to my first cycle and this will serve as a baseline test if there is need to evaluate the heart at a later stage.  For this I will see the lovely man who performed my bone scan.

So this is it.....

I'm feeling scared, scared of what to expect with the Chemo.  I'm relieved that I have (in my opinion) the best medical team looking after me and I'm positive that I'm going to kick this wretched thing from ever coming back.

"Life is not the way it’s supposed to be.  It’s the way it is.  The way you cope with it is what makes the difference" - Virginia Satir

With love
Shaz xxxxxx